If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times. If you think networking is about meeting as many people as you can, telling them about yourself and handing out hundreds of business cards, you are wrong!

So what is networking? Forget the traditional definition so I'm not even going to mention it. In today's world networking has more to do with connecting and genuinely caring about people than adding them to your address book until they can do something for you.

The real question then, is how do you connect with people? Here are my 7 no-fail steps to help you.

Develop a genuine interest in people. Some of the most interesting and fascinating people are the people who might not usually catch your networking eye. That guy in the polo shirt and jeans when everyone else is wearing a blazer and slacks, come on! Surely anyone who does not know how to dress properly is not worth knowing. Pssst! That guy might be so sure of himself that he won't be bothered by convention, and he might just be the one you need to collaborate with on your next big project.

Really connect with people. I always smile when I hear or even find it necessary to use the popular term B2B (Business to Business). Don't look now but business is done P2P (Person to Person). Have you ever seen two businesses make a deal? No but you've seen their owners or some PERSON else making those deals.

Why not try getting past the titles and the CV and really find out who a person is at a deeper level? You might discover that their purpose resonates with yours and that you can work together to create or further something that is beneficial to both of you and others. Before you know it, you're making real deals and actual money and that's so much more rewarding.

Check your image. You can smell them from way across the room (I can anyway!) Those people at an event whose body language says "I really don't belong here. If I had the guts to say "no" to my very ill mother, I'd be on the golf course with my crowd. BUT since I'm here, I might as well give out a few business cards." Building relationships and connecting requires warmth, openness, empathy, friendliness and being easy to approach. Be genuinely interested in the people you meet and listen to their stories. Being stiff, aloof and only concerned about handing out your business card will not cut it in connecting. Remember, you're building relationships for the longterm.

Develop the necessary skills. No, I am not suggesting that all you have to do to connect with people is to go where they are. Connecting effectively requires you to develop some key people skills and these three top the list. Listening allows people to tell you their stories and you to show that you're genuinely interested in them. Small talk or the ability to talk to anyone about anything is critical to the process. Self-confidence is invaluable for enabling you to approach people and start conversations. After all, connecting is about building relationships.

Learn to give. If it doesn't come naturally, you should really learn how to. I don't mean the big $500 corporate gift. I mean the idea to help a person improve something, the free reports on your website or the information-packed one-hour strategy session. Giving excites me big time. First of all it's just the thing to do. Secondly, what you give truly comes back to you ten-fold. Don't worry about the "how", it just does. Giving also builds trust and people like to do business with people they trust. One of my colleagues has connected me to so many people and some of those connections have been truly profitable. What a gift!

Learn professional etiquette. Please! Many of your connections will come through attending events, so learn how to conduct yourself on these occasions. People remember people who are gracious, polished and treat them with dignity. Furthermore, if you know how to handle yourself in social situations, you are perceived as being equally competent in business circumstances. (Don't ask me why!)

Do follow-up. But do so with some thought, remember you're connecting and building relationships. What I do is to send the person some snippet of information, a card or one of my many free resources - something beyond a mere e-mail. I mention our meeting and highlight what I would have found particularly interesting or engaging about the encounter. You guessed it, as many as 8 times out of 10, the other party responds and the foundation is laid.

Connecting requires you to be open to business 24/7. I've made connections in the checkout line in the supermarket, on flights to foreign destinations, at networking events and via the internet.

I recently wrote an article entitled, "Do you have a Job Search Strategy?" which touched briefly on the hidden job market. Many readers already know that networking is the best tool for uncovering jobs yet to be advertised or released to the public.

What is the hidden job market?

Hiring managers, decision makers and executives typically are tuned into potential positions being discussed but pending approval or specific roles that need to be filled when the right person can be identified. Many executives have the authority to create a position which satisfies a critical need within their group or their company. Additionally, a VP of Marketing may have a good friend at XYX Company who has discussed a new Senior Information Technology role that will soon be approved. Don't limit your network to decision makers in your field alone.

How do you tap these hidden opportunities?

Ask all your network contacts the following question. Do you know decision makers who know people willing to talk briefly about your job search? The question opens a broad field of potential contacts and is the first step to uncovering the hidden job market.

By using your existing contact list, your target companies, network contacts, schedule meetings and phone conversations to begin your search. You should have at least three major goals for each conversation:

1) Introduce yourself, highlighting your skills and experience and possible target positions and companies,
2) Seek out information about your contacts position within the company, responsibilities, challenges, hobbies etc. Always offer to provide assistance by way of network contacts, information, referrals etc. Demonstrate that you have a genuine interest in learning more about them.
3) Ask for referrals and additional network contacts that are willing to assist with your job search. Don't put them on the spot for contacts during your meeting, however, let them know you will follow up with them in a few days. Always make sure you write a thank you note or e-mail, thanking them for their time and contacts.

If you start with a list of 20 contacts and each one only provides one new referral, you have doubled my network. Asking all of your contacts for referrals will help you develop a viable network very quickly. I used this approach and asked an old friend for decision makers who might be able to help me. Two days later I received a list of 12 professional referrals. I scheduled meetings with each of them using my friend name as a referral. I don't recall exactly how many additional new contacts the meetings yielded, but believe it was in the neighborhood of 20 more contacts.

So what's the point of talking and meeting with all these people, most of which I am meeting for the first time?

Networking using this approach provides the opportunity to publicize your personal brand; present who you are, your skills and experience, successes and your added value. It builds a network of contacts through referrals and professionals who have shown an interest in assisting you with your job search. Lastly, you will be pleasantly surprised by the number of opportunities you will uncover in the hidden job market.

As I mention in my previous blog entry, log all your contacts and who referred you, note dates you met or talked as well as follow up requirements.